Look at her feet curled all the way in the air like that! This ultrasound was taken 4 weeks ago. Hard to believe that our little peanut has already grown so much since then. She is a lot more active these days, kicking around in there on a daily basis.
The past few weeks have been a lot more fun, no sickness to report and for the most part I have lots of energy! It has made reading my earlier letters a bit difficult though, because I find that I can’t relate to the person who wrote them anymore. Funny how that happens.
It’s caused me to shorten or edit some of them, specifically the very sad or miserable bits – and I know that may be a bit controversial. Maybe they should be true to how I was feeling then and not just with my new revisionist lenses.
However, I think that I’ve made the intensity of my sickness and how I was feeling perfectly clear by now. I think repeating the negativity that was in my head at the time, helps no one, and takes away from some of the happiness that really was underneath the misery. I don't want to minimize the reality of the hard parts necessarily, especially for other people going through the same thing, I know its torture. But I do want to focus on the good bits, because it does get better, it isn't forever and it's the good bits get you through.
So, that being said, the following are some excerpts from letters for week 9 to 11/12 – which actually turned out to be weeks 11-13/14. (Some thing to do with how they calculate conception blah blah blah).
Baby Bean, apparently you’re a little bit older than I thought. Figuring out the timing of this whole thing is a bit odd. I wont get into all the details of it but basically they add a couple of weeks when figuring out your age. Also, I wasn’t 100% of the date you were, uh, created.
So its actually week 11! Hopefully this means I’m closer to the end of my sickness! But I’m making an effort not to complain about that too much right now, its going well, today anyway.
There is A LOT to think about right now, I’ve had at least one doctor’s appointment and I’m certain he never wants to see me again because I kept him an insanely long time, asking him about a million questions. It's just all a bit confusing and overwhelming. There are decisions that need to be made about the kind of care I want for you (midwife or OB), what can I do or not do, what can I eat or not eat, should I do this test or that test or any test. There is blood work to be taken, ultrasounds to have, and decisions on when and if to tell people.
Actually, that part was easy. We aren't the kind of people to be able to hold stuff in bean (for your future reference) we have already told quite a few people. Your grandparents and aunts and uncles mainly.
Telling your grandparents was a lot of fun, for your Dad's side we wrote little messages on the bottom of their dessert plates, but they got to the bottom and failed to see them, so we had to point it out to them. It was cute and there were tears shed.
For my side, we had your aunt on Skype from Europe show them a little United Nations onesie she got you as a gift - your first one now that I think about it! They didn't really get it right away either, so we had to just say it. Also cute and of course lots of tears.
You'll get used to all the happy crying that happens in our family.
Baby Bean, we got to see you for the first time this week! It was a strange, surreal experience. I’ve known about you for a while, but in a way you were still just kind of a thought.
I didn’t even expect to see much of you at this ultrasound because it’s so early, but there you were, definitely a baby, wildly flipping about. Seriously, you are going to be hyper like your father aren’t you?
Speaking of which, he had no idea what to make of you; he sort of went silent for a minute before all the colour drained from his face. I think maybe you were even more of a distant thought for him – but definitely not anymore!
I had my first appointment with the midwives today. That was interesting. They work in teams, so I can be confident you will be well looked after. It was a pretty standard type of appointment – with a heck of a lot of information download (there are lots of tests and requirements to be completed to make sure you are a healthy bean!) It was all a bit boring really except for the very last part.
They let me hear your heartbeat!
I cannot sufficiently explain what this felt like. There are no words.
There is an oddness about it. Another heartbeat in your belly, something a bit alien and weird really, but also crazy magical. I walked out of that room feeling happy and sort of stunned but also strangely protective over my belly. I now understand the response to just keep my hand over it. I have a little bean with a heartbeat in there that is all mine to look out for.